This is my side.
I am the emotionally volatile partner.
I do not understand my own triggers and responses
I do not understand that I don't understand my own triggers and responses.
I cannot control the magnitude of emotional response. I over-dramatize and appear insane or under-dramatize and appear insensitive.
I fail to control the amount of energy associated with an emotional response. I am over-enthusiastic and irritate my partner or am under-enthusiastic and frustrate them.
I could unintentionally hurt my partner physically or emotionally. I am appalled when this happens.
I constantly need to share every single thought in my head with my partner because otherwise, I will lose the wisdom and emotional energy that comes with the thought.
I let down everyone close to me and I feel let down by them constantly.
I love my partner, but I am constantly scared of losing them. I can’t seem to let go of this fear.
I question my own capability to be a good human and a good partner. I analyze my relationship constantly to find proof that I indeed am good.
I know that I make my partner anxious all the time. I am guilty of removing peace, stability, and fulfillment from their life.
I feel my mind always brings the focus to “ME” and I can’t guide it away to look at them.
The weight of guilt on my shoulders is so great that I feel I will crumble out of existence one day.
Because there are so many things I cannot understand and control, I cling to sanity by doing the most basic of human things — attributing blame, defending myself albeit irrationally, proving I am right, gaslighting my partner, drawing attention, and an extreme show of emotions.
I am tagged as a narcissist, ADHD, and bipolar. Maybe, I am all those.
I am called selfish, unstable, insensitive, dramatic, a nuisance. Maybe I am all those too.
BUT I DONT WANT TO ANYMORE.
My emotional dependence has become my pit of self-pity.
I am drowning in it and I don’t realize I am holding the ladder in my hand. If I don’t realize the ladder in my hand, I will drown and take the one who loves me, down with me.
Living with an emotionally unstable partner is an experience unlike anything else. Love, respect, trust, the need to be present, responsibility, insecurity, personal freedom, and a volley of emotions, all come together to form an immensely complex concoction that can consume a major portion of life for both partners.
A partner can only observe, enable and support the other’s journey. In the end, the intention and action for change needs to come from the individual.
To all those who are emotionally unstable and suffer because you make your significant other suffer —take credible action today, start the change today.