I lost a loved one. What to do now ?

When you lose a loved one, it can be hard to deal with your grief, especially if you're not sure what to do. It's completely normal to feel sad and have crying spells as part of this process, but there are steps you can take to navigate your grief.


This article will help you understand what happens when you lose someone, what you can do about your emotions, and how to navigate your grief during this difficult time.



Understand your grief

Grief is a natural reaction to loss. It is the process of realizing that you will never again see your loved one and learning how to live with that loss.

You may experience these feelings at different times:

  • Shock and numbness—during the first few days, weeks or months after losing someone close to you. This is normal; it's part of your body's way of coping with such an intense situation. You may feel as though nothing makes sense anymore without your loved one in it, but you'll get through this phase with help from family members, friends and support groups (like ours!).

  • Guilt—for not being able to prevent their death; for wishing they weren't gone; for having negative thoughts about them since their death occurred unexpectedly or was caused by another person's negligence (such as drunk driving). It's common for people who have experienced the death of someone close to them to experience guilt along with other strong emotions like anger or depression during those first few months following loss because these strong emotions are often overwhelming at first before settling down into more manageable levels over time as we learn about ourselves through coping tasks such as therapy sessions around our grief work together.

Be patient with yourself

If you are in the midst of grief, here is what you should know:

  • Grief is a process that takes time. It's not linear, it's not always straightforward, and it's not something that can be hurried along by telling yourself to "get over it." You may feel like you'll never be able to move forward from this loss. But the truth is that one day—and it won't seem like it ever will happen—you will wake up and realize that a good chunk of time has gone by since your loss occurred, and things are easier than they were before.

  • It's okay to feel sad, angry or numb about what happened for as long as necessary (and sometimes longer). After all of this processing happens at its own pace and naturally fades away into whatever feels most comfortable for you (hopefully some combination of "happy" and "ready"), there may still be moments where your loved one comes back into your thoughts unexpectedly with no warning whatsoever—especially when similar events happen around you (like hearing someone else mention their name), or when something reminds you strongly of them (like seeing a photograph). This happens because memories have been created around those sensations; even if we try not remember them consciously anymore, these sensations continue influencing our emotions despite our best efforts otherwise.

No matter what, take care of yourself

In the midst of all this shock and sadness, it can be easy to forget that you’re still you. You’re still a person who needs to eat and sleep and move around in order to stay healthy—and that applies just as much when someone close to you dies as it does when they don’t (though obviously there are some unique challenges when a loved one dies).

It helps if you can find some things that make sense for your life right now: eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, spending time with people who make you happy or doing something relaxing or fun on your own.


Talking with friends or family members is also important; being able to share feelings with other people is an essential part of healing from loss. And if talking things out isn't helping at all? Consider seeing a professional counselor or therapist; even though this might seem like an expensive luxury at first glance, grief counseling has been shown again and again over decades of research studies around the world that it provides many benefits including less depression, anxiety, and stress than those who do not seek help after losing someone close through death or other traumatic events such as divorce from one's spouse/partner.



Seek support.

You are not alone.

When a loved one dies, it is normal to feel isolated and alone. You may have questions about what happened, who was responsible for their death and why this happened to your family. You may wonder if you could have prevented the death or if there was anything you could have done differently to prevent it from happening in the first place.But rest assured that these feelings are completely normal, especially if this experience is new to you.

  • If possible, seek out friends and family members who will listen without judgement or criticism.

  • Consider talking with a therapist if talking with friends doesn't seem helpful enough - they can help guide individuals through their grief as well as offer professional advice on how best cope with loss.

  • If none of those options sound right for you right now (or even later), consider joining one of many grief counseling groups available in most metropolitan areas today.

  • Your religious leader might also be able provide guidance through prayerful conversation--but don't forget that religion isn't just about religious leaders!

  • If someone else's faith traditions are meaningful for them during times of grief then let them lead; just because something works for someone else doesn’t mean it will work for us all though so take time researching options before committing yourself too much.

Talk about the loss.

Now, you’re probably not going to want to talk about the death. After all, it’s hard enough processing that kind of loss without having to do it with others. But if you don’t talk about it with your friends and family, they might think they need to keep their distance from you at this time.

They may also have questions they want answered: What happened? Was there anything we could have done differently? Could something else happen on such a scale again? That would be great if these conversations were easy and clean; but sometimes saying words out loud feels like picking scabs off wounds (and most of us know what happens when we do that).

Accept your feelings.

You will feel sad, angry, confused and maybe even guilty. Don't be surprised if you don't know how to express these feelings or how long they will last. You may find yourself crying for no apparent reason or having angry outbursts for the most mundane things.

When a loved one dies, it's normal to want to try and talk about them and remember the good times that you shared together when they were alive. However, it's also important to remember that talking about the person who has died can bring up strong emotions that have been buried since their death took place. This can be very painful at times and while many people find themselves unable to resist doing so, it is best not to force yourself into this conversation until you are ready as this could end up making matters worse rather than better!


Try and practice self-care activities

You've been incredibly strong. You've been holding it together and not letting the shock of your loss show. But you need to take care of yourself now, or you may end up not being able to function at all.

Self-care activities are anything that help you relax and feel better—it can be anything from going for a walk, meditating, exercising, reading a book or watching Netflix (yes! even watching Netflix). However you choose to do it is fine as long as it helps make you feel good about yourself again.

Make sure that when spending time with others who care about you, this doesn't become an obligation for them either! If they ask if they can do something for you then let them know how much their company means to you by saying yes but also reminding them that all they have to do is listen if needed too.



Identify healthy ways to express your emotions

Good grief, you've lost a family member. It's enough to make anyone go crazy. But don't worry—there are plenty of healthy ways to express your emotions and work through the pain you're feeling on the inside.

  • Listen to music: Music is a great way to get in touch with your feelings. You can write or sing some songs about what happened, or just listen to some music that makes you feel good for no reason at all!

  • Go for a walk: If it's nice out, take a walk outside and listen closely as you breathe in clean air and look at beautiful things that nature has created for us all around us!

  • Explore your emotions: When the time is right, you can try and explore those heavy and overwhelming emotions that seem to trigger all the negative self-talk in your head. You can seek help from a friend, a therapist or a self-talk tool like Konvos that provides you with a series of explorative questions that can help you navigate your grief.

Everyone experiences their grief differently

Knowing that there is no prescribed or correct way to grieve for a loved one's death makes it easier to understand how you are feeling and allows you to move forward in your life. Grief is an individual process, so everyone experiences it differently. Some people have a long grieving process, while others may experience their grief more quickly or even never feel like they completely recover from losing someone they care about. Grief is a normal part of life and should not be avoided or pushed away because it can be painful at times. It's important that you allow yourself time to heal after losing someone who was important in your life

Grief is as individual as you are

Grief is an individual experience, unique to each person and each relationship.

While you may have lost a parent or spouse, the process to navigate your grief will be different from someone who’s lost a child or partner.

It’s important to remember that there is no right way to grieve. What works for one person might not necessarily work for another, so it's important that you do what works best for you when dealing with death.

While no one can predict how an individual will react to a loss, there are some commonalities that people experience when grieving. These include shock, disbelief, anger and guilt. If you're struggling with grief, it may be helpful to reach out and seek support from those who understand what you're going through.


 

Kavya Patnaik is an emotionally-driven tech Leader who believes that Neuro-diversity is the key to a sustainable future. She currently runs Product at Konvos.me. You can reach her on LinkedIn.


 

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